Editor’s note: This story is part of Peak, The Athletic’s desk covering leadership, personal development and performance through the lens of sports. Follow Peak here.
Greg Olsen played in the NFL for 14 years and is a color commentator for Fox. He also founded Youth Inc., a podcast and digital platform centered on youth sports.
Every month, he answers questions about youth sports. Submit your questions for next month in the form below and check out last month’s answers here.
I played sports from 5 through college. It taught me many life lessons. My wife played zero sports. Together, we see benefits from both ends of the spectrum. What are your thoughts on pushing kids to start and finish a sport they’ve started, and letting them let go of the sport? — Jacob M. from Florida
No matter how bad things get, no matter how much you feel your child has fallen out of love with the sport and doesn’t want to do it, don’t ever quit in the middle of the season. I think the idea of letting them stop in the middle of it sends the wrong message. Finish what you start.
The idea is to build lessons and skills they can carry for the rest of their lives.
As far as leaving a sport, I don’t think that’s the end of the world. Kids will let you know very quickly with the things they talk about, the things they want to work out on their own, the things they want to do away from the team. That will tell you a lot about what they prioritize. It’s very natural for kids to fall in and out of sports. That’s why it’s such a positive thing to let them try a bunch of sports at an early stage. How else do they find out what they want to do if they’re not allowed the space to experiment?
I coach 4/5-year-olds in soccer: rec level at this age, with one practice and one game weekly. I’m trying to end every practice and game with three deep breaths and eyes closed to reset everyone and start opening the path to the mental side of sports. Any advice on next steps or on age-appropriate alternatives to introduce? — JJ from Pittsburgh
It’s a great idea. If you talk to a lot of high-level athletes, breathwork, mental imaging, all those skills, they’re spending very close to the same amount of time as the physical skills. Introducing those at a younger age is no different than introducing really good skill development at a younger age. I don’t think you can go wrong.
As long as you continue to stay age appropriate and the time allocation doesn’t become a distraction to the point you lose the kids, in short bursts, kids learning how to control their breath, control their mind and thoughts is a really good skill. That not only carries them forward in however long they have remaining in their athletics careers, but it’s a great skill to have for the rest of your life.
My daughter is 13 and in 8th grade. She plays soccer and hockey, but the latter is her passion. She is self-motivated and driven, and wants to see if she can play hockey beyond high school. From what I keep hearing, that means considering a prep (private) school.
We want to support her, and even if we could afford it, we are torn about what that would mean socially for her. We wouldn’t want her to board, but it still means potentially losing connections with friends she has had for years and probably being surrounded by kids of a different socioeconomic upbringing. On the other hand, these schools seem to have incredible opportunities both academically and athletically.
So, we are going through the admission process. We are excited about the potential opportunities here, but are we being too short-sighted about sports/hockey? After all, it’s her brain that’s going to get her a job, and it’s the connections with peers that will keep her happy.
What do you think? Thank you. — R from Massachusetts
It’s a great question. There are certain sports that follow that path: gymnastics, Olympic sports, hockey. When you get to the appropriate age, if you have a son or a daughter who both has the skill and the love for a particular sport, and it’s clear the opportunities are larger elsewhere in a more non-traditional path, as a parent, I think you have to support that love and that opportunity.
It’s a little unconventional from what we all recognize and experience, but that doesn’t mean there’s not an alternate path.
What you’re doing is the right thing. If your daughter is really that committed to playing hockey at the next level and you feel like she can handle it from an emotional and social standpoint, then I would highly encourage you to look deeply at it. If your daughter has made her dreams very clear to everyone and she matches it with her work ethic and drive, the last thing you want to do is look back and say we didn’t give her every opportunity to fulfill that dream, and it was only because we denied a certain path.
It sounds like you’re on the right path. If it seems like the right move, I don’t think there’s any harm in trying it.
Should parents watch their kids’ practices? I’m in the “no” camp on this for my son’s travel baseball team, 10U-14U. But I’m the only parent who drops off and picks up when it’s over.
I’m on both sides of the coin. Because I coach so many of my kids’ sports, when they do play for other people, I do not go to the practices. Now, when I put my coach’s hat on, I want — I encourage — people to stay at our practices. I want them to see what we do with their kids. I want them to see our organization and our messaging, what we’re trying to implement and what we’re correcting or encouraging.
As a coach, I want no secrets and no mystery. I want you to hear what I tell them, and there’s no guesswork or confusion. As a parent, I value that my kids get a break. I value that my kids can come home and interpret practice to me instead of me telling them what I saw.
The one thing I’ll add: If a coach is telling parents not to come to practice, to me, that’s a bit of a red flag.
I coach 6-year-old boys’ soccer, and even when we don’t keep score, and the league encourages us to focus on skill development and fundamentals, the pressure to “win” from the parents is still there. I constantly get suggestions to bench certain kids so we can “win.” Is there a better way to go about this? Should we even be hosting actual games? — Eddie S., Henderson from Nevada
I think you should be hosting actual games. There’s an element of teaching young kids the art of competing and the idea of going out there for an outcome. As they get older, it’s something they can get used to: There is a cause and effect.
What I’ve found with parents is the more you overcommunicate — goals, approach — the better it goes. If you don’t, everyone is going to fill the void with their own ideas. Just stress that winning is a byproduct of how we’re going to do things. We’re going to double down on development. We’re going to double down on skills. We’re going to double down in practice on learning to play the game the right way. We’re going to be great teammates.
Continue honing in on skill development and character development. If you nail all those elements, the wins and losses will take care of themselves.
My son is 15 and plays football, basketball and runs track. Those who know more about sports than I tell me he’s gifted at them all. He’s struggling with FOMO. He said in the car recently that he feels terrible he hasn’t picked up a basketball, and I told him it was OK because he’s currently playing football. It’s OK to just focus on what’s in season. He was not swayed by my logic and is very stressed by it. This happens consistently. No matter what he’s doing, he feels he should be doing more in another sport. My question is this: How can a parent help a kid manage these feelings? We want to find a way to help him. — Random Dad from Minnesota
This question is really at the forefront of every single conversation going on around the youth sports landscape. There are a lot of families making decisions at a young age that they don’t necessarily believe are in their best interest, and they don’t necessarily believe in their heart that it’s the right move. But the fear of what everyone else is doing is pushing them into a spot where they’re making those decisions.
You see a lot of kids fearful of falling behind because a lot of their peers are only playing that sport.
I would tell you to continue your messaging. Continue to focus on the fact that we’re not trying to decide who the best 15-year-old basketball player is. Continue to develop your skill and love for all these different sports because one of these sports, at the right moment, will choose you. That’s the biggest thing. When you get to the high school level and everyone understands their size, their speed, their body type, typically, you can then make a decision at that stage at what sport is the best fit for your son or daughter. To make it at an earlier age, you’re not only purely guessing, but I also think you’re stunting a lot of the emotional, mental and physical development that a lot of multi-sport kids have.
It’s a hard battle — I get it — but hang onto multiple sports as long as you can.
Best youth sports movie? — Jon from Dallas
I’m a big Mighty Ducks guy. Mighty Ducks is amazing. Which Mighty Ducks? When America beats Iceland or Greenland or whatever that team was with the crazy coach with the blond slicked-back hair. If you don’t get goosebumps when the Mighty Ducks become Team USA and go through all of that … that was amazing.
— As told to Jayson Jenks
