DEAR MISS MANNERS: My former spouse (we parted ways 40 years back) recently took an action I would never consider: She hosted an elaborate catered celebration for her 70th birthday. My daughter and her spouse were present, as was I, along with several of my ex’s long-time friends. She gifted each of us a copy […]
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My former spouse (we parted ways 40 years back) recently took an action I would never consider: She hosted an elaborate catered celebration for her 70th birthday.
My daughter and her spouse were present, as was I, along with several of my ex’s long-time friends. She gifted each of us a copy of her self-published anthology of poems.
This left me feeling quite conflicted. Is this a common practice that I’ve been unaware of? Was this meant as a gesture of gratitude toward us on her “life’s journey,” or was it merely an occasion for her to bask in the spotlight?
Either option (or both) aligns with what I’ve witnessed of her character throughout the years. I’m uncertain if I should feel joyful, embarrassed for her, or perhaps even saddened. What is your perspective?
GENTLE READER: It likely provided amusing material for you to discuss later. In that sense, Miss Manners believes you should feel appreciative. After all, if your ex-wife is not feeling sad or embarrassed, why should you?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not fond of being in posed photographs, especially now that they often end up shared online.
My friends are relentless. “Oh, come on!” they insist, every time I decline.
Of course, I engage during significant events, such as family portraits at my nephew’s wedding. However, during casual gatherings, how can I excuse myself from the frequent group photos?
GENTLE READER: Besides trying to make yourself subtly blend into the background (turning away, looking down, etc.), Miss Manners recommends that you physically step away just before they take the picture — leaving them to speculate whether you suddenly feel unwell or are just irritated.
When you return completely fine and composed, you can mention, if they inquire, “As I indicated, I’m not a fan of taking pictures. But I hope yours turned out nicely.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: As an experienced hair stylist, I have had regular clients relocate. They tell me their greatest anxieties are finding a new physician and a new hairdresser.
I have often advised them to courteously ask women they meet for recommendations on their stylist and whether that stylist is accepting new clients. I have also gained new clients through this method myself. Most women are generally open to being asked.
GENTLE READER: The “courteously” aspect is crucial. Additionally, Miss Manners recommends assuring them that you will not take their hairdresser, share their name excessively, or make it difficult for them to secure an appointment themselves.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a guest cancels a long-scheduled Sunday dinner at the host’s home mere hours prior (due to sickness), who should take the initiative to reschedule? The host or the guest?
GENTLE READER: Authentic illness is excusable, even if the host secretly feels disappointed that the planned dinner fell apart at the last moment.
Since it would be presumptuous for the guest to propose a new date, and since it’s unclear when the guest will recover, Miss Manners advises that the host say, “I hope you are feeling better. We would love to reschedule for next week if you are feeling up to it; if not, please let us know when you’re fully better, and we’ll find a time.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; via email at dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.