More than just a number – The Hawk Eye

What if I’m not good enough for college?

Everyone says junior year is the hardest — they aren’t wrong. From balancing multiple AP classes, dual credit courses and preparing for the SAT and PSAT, this year felt like a constant battle, and no one talks about how overwhelming and lonely it can feel when things don’t go as hoped. 

Junior year is considered to matter the most — it’s the year colleges care about. The one where your GPA, test scores and extracurriculars either set you up for success, or shatter your dreams. I walked into this school year confident, thinking that this was going to be my best academic year. I began chasing a version of myself I thought colleges wanted. However, when I tapped on the SAT’s “reveal your score” and saw a number that didn’t reflect my efforts, I broke – not all at once, but quietly and slowly — a pain that would linger within me.

I felt constant humiliation from my friends and family who teased me about my score. It hurt because I was the student who’d always earn A’s on assignments, studying day and night. Slowly, I began disappearing into my classes, not caring about anything because I felt like my dream of getting into a good college was crushed. After months of SAT prep, I couldn’t understand how it all fell apart. Now, I’m left wondering how I can improve as I’m running out of time.

With my own sport, track and field, I felt the pressure of having to succeed and make big achievements to impress colleges. I thought I would do well and that I’d work hard to earn a varsity spot. Despite my dreams, I ran my worst meet crushing any remaining faith I had for my future. Everything was falling apart. No matter how hard I tried to hold on, I constantly felt like I was losing grip of the future I wanted. 

But here’s one thing no one really says: it’s OK not to be OK.     

Our plans fall apart, and failure happens to all of us. The truth is, sometimes a person can do everything right, but still fall short. It’s normal. It’s not the end of the world. Failing a test and not being the “perfect student” doesn’t mean an individual failed at life. It’s how one responds to the obstacles that they’ll face that matters. 

Rather than figuring out my major, the college I’m going to or what my future looks like, I learned to get back up — even if I didn’t feel like it. Growth doesn’t always come easily; sometimes it shows up in big losses that can’t be redeemed, yet you choose to keep going anyway. 

It’s OK to lean on people, because without them, we might forget how to live. I distanced myself from the people I cared about. I missed out on my homecoming game, the dance, Thanksgiving parties, hangouts and late-night food drives with my friends — moments I’ll never get back all because I thought nobody would understand the pressure that consumed me. 

I realized the most meaningful parts of my junior year were the exact opposite of what I imagined at the start. It was the late-night FaceTime calls, the immaturity, laughter and the people who stuck around when I couldn’t be myself. 

Junior year was tough, but it showed me that being myself is enough. That meant more to me than any number could.