Rec Sports
Poor behavior by parents, coaches teaches kids the wrong lesson
And wow, did it resonate. That’s how it goes when you hit a nerve. The sideline behavior described in the story is alarming, and not simply because it indicts those responsible for an unforgivable lack of decorum and manners, but because of the detrimental effect it is having on a growing sport, driving current officials […]

And wow, did it resonate. That’s how it goes when you hit a nerve. The sideline behavior described in the story is alarming, and not simply because it indicts those responsible for an unforgivable lack of decorum and manners, but because of the detrimental effect it is having on a growing sport, driving current officials away or deterring potential new ones from starting out.
Alarming, but sadly, not surprising. These roots were planted by overzealous parents or overly competitive coaches at the youth sports level. Incidents such as the ones officials described in the story are the natural byproduct of years of sideline outbursts allowed to proceed without repercussion. And that is sad.
Putting our kids in youth sports should never be about victory at all costs. It should be a learning experience, one that works on so many levels. It starts with teaching kids the basics of a sport — cradling a stick, kicking a soccer ball, swinging a bat — just as you would teach a child to read, or to dance, or how to ride a bike. From there, as they learn the satisfaction of mastering a new skill, they figure out how to work together, to be teammates sharing a ball and a common goal. They form bonds of friendship, of camaraderie, of solidarity.
They laugh, they cry, they celebrate, they agonize. They go out for ice cream, or share pizza, and eventually, as they get older and the stakes get higher, they advance to competitive levels commensurate with their skill.
They don’t need parents or coaches berating them for losing a Saturday morning recreation league contest by a lopsided score or on a last-second goal. They don’t need car-ride lectures about what they did wrong or need to do better. They don’t need parental dreams of elusive college scholarships turning every game into a business proposition. They don’t need to learn curse words and insults while playing a game, or see parents turning referees into scapegoats. They need to see respect among adults, and support for the kids on the fields. They need to see priorities being put in proper order.
When referee Melissa Levine said in Hass’s story that she was screamed at and called insane by an angry high school lacrosse coach only to have the coach later admit the outburst was merely a ploy to motivate his team, I couldn’t help but share her disgust. How is this appropriate behavior at a high school sports event?
“It made me feel like I’m not a human being,” Levine said. “I’m a cone. I’m just a piece of sports equipment that he can kick around and treat however he wanted. To me, it’s pretty despicable.”
The deleterious effects are not limited to a shrinking referee applicant pool. What sort of example are coaches such as that setting for the young players in their charge? The impact can be real and lasting, with these supposed adults creating a new generation of entitled, mean-spirited, overly harsh critics simply by the way they are acting. A 2024 paper by Frontiers Research Foundation titled, “Monkey see, monkey do: Exploring parent-athlete behaviours from youth athletes’ perspective” reached the obvious conclusion: “The more youth perceived positive (or negative) parent behaviours, the more they reported engaging in comparable behaviours themselves towards their teammates and opponents.”
I reached out to Levine since the Globe article’s publication, curious about the impact of going public with her experience. She shared how almost immediately, amid calls of support, agreement or gratitude, she got proof there is much work to be done.
“It came out on Tuesday, I get to my game that night, a varsity game, and I had to throw a parent out of the game,” she said. “I was like, ‘Did this lady not get the message?’
“She said something to an official in particular, and I went to the AD and said, ‘Hey, I’m hearing it, I don’t want to hear it, I need you to deal with this.’ He didn’t deal with it. Then my partner, she called a timeout, was about to give a yellow card, and this lady goes bananas, screaming like a lunatic, ‘That should be a yellow card!’ We were doing the exact thing she was yelling about but didn’t even realize it.”
There’s a lesson in there, though it requires a willingness to look in a mirror. “If I could, I would want them to know that acting like that only embarrasses themselves,” Levine said. “It doesn’t teach anyone anything. It doesn’t change the game. All it does is influence the players out on the field and not in a good way.”
Tara Sullivan is a Globe columnist. She can be reached at tara.sullivan@globe.com. Follow her @Globe_Tara.